Cape Town Journal: Entry #7

July 21st, 2021

This is the first time in my life where I wake up to such a beautiful view.

Before the sun is fully up, the lights in the distance twinkle like stars (well it’s the same in the nighttime) and I’m just sitting here at the table in front of the huge window, sipping my black coffee and doing some blogging while enjoying the view.

It’s super peaceful here…

My bed arrived yesterday and last night was my first night sleeping alone. I thought I was finally going to masturbate, I didn’t. Instead, I watched The Mess You Leave Behind on Netflix then I fell asleep.

I’m excited to have my own space.

Wanna buy cute little things to decorate it and make it feel homier except a) I’m too broke to do that as I’m still job hunting and b) I’m not 100% sure how long I’m going to stay here.

I don’t have money to keep paying the rent right now so the less stuff I have to move, the better.

I wouldn’t mind staying here in this flat, except the fact that we have to move the washing machine closer to the kitchen sink to do laundry is a bit annoying…

Oh yeah and there’s a door in my room that turns out belongs to the kitchen but they just preferred not to have a kitchen door. That door’s just been chilling in my room against the wall for quite some time now.

The flat looks better without the kitchen door anyway. It’s completely unnecessary. It doesn’t look like there’s a door missing; which goes to show that it was never actually a necessity.

Started taking writing classes on Skillshare. I’ve picked up a few tips (which I spent a greater part of my morning applying). I think I’m getting better already!

With all this time on my hands, I should try to pick up a few skills or at least improve on my existing ones.

P.S the first thing I purchase to buy when I get a job is new underwear…

I know I started on a sorta upbeat note, trying to be all positive and shit. But I kinda don’t feel comfortable here.

Feels like I’m invading someone else’s space. That has just been worsened by the fact that my sister called my mom, who’s all the way in East London, to tell her I’m giving her attitude. I am so confused…

I have been in my room practically all day today because it’s cold as fuck! Only left it to go and eat and shower. I’m confused as to when I had the time to be giving my sister attitude. I’ve basically been in my room, on my laptop since last night…

It’s just really tough being me right now because now I feel weird.

I wish I had my own space where I could just be by myself and do my own thing; without bothering anyone.

At times being here is frustrating. I came for a fresh start but things aren’t moving as fast as I’d hoped they would. I have yet to find a job or even be shortlisted for an interview. It’s just rejection left, right and centre.

Can you imagine how shitty it must be to feel so stuck at 30? So not the life I had thought I’d be living at this age.

When will something finally go right?

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