Welcome to my blog.
I’ve been feeling very weird lately, sad and disappointed really, to the point where I was near tears the other day.
The past 10 years of my life have been super challenging and although I have grown, sometimes it doesn’t feel that way. Instead, it feels like I’m constantly taking 1 step forward and 2 steps back.
My dating life is still non-existent lol.
I feel uneasy about it because it feels like I’m running out of time. I know that’s not the case but nonetheless, that’s how it feels.
Everyone around me is happy and coupled up. I’m the only one in my friend group that’s single and sometimes it sucks.
I haven’t been in a relationship in YEARS and every time I think something is developing with a guy, it just fizzles out and dies lol.
I have yet to secure a job and from the looks of it, I could be going back to the old job that I resigned from.
The thought of that depresses me because it makes me feel like I’m moving backwards instead of progressing. I left that job back then because I was so depressed and it wasn’t helping. I’d wake up and go to work every day and still be broke as hell because the company couldn’t pay me.
Then when I had money it just never seemed to be enough.
I’ve been unemployed for over a year now and as much as I talk about staying positive, man, sometimes it’s just plain difficult because I feel like I’ve missed out on so much of my early adult years because I’m constantly broke.
There are so many things I want and need to do that are just taking so long because I don’t have the funds.
I’m busy working on monetizing my blog now that way I can make money doing what I love.
I really believed I was going to find a job in Cape Town and then I just didn’t…
Being unemployed means that I don’t always have money.
I get it sometimes but not always when I need it.
I’m grateful that I even have access to funds, I just need to find a way to grow the little money I do have.
Did I tell you that I tried to make money selling muffins? That business ended up going down the drain. People would place orders and then just not pay for them so it just became too costly to continue, so that ended!
This is indeed an extremely challenging chapter of my life. I don’t know what it is that I need to do to get me to where I need to be.
Sometimes I just want to give up but I know I can’t.
I’ve been feeling this way a lot lately. Ever since I got back I feel out of place.
It’s such a weird feeling.
Being with my friends doesn’t feel the same anymore, almost as if I don’t belong.
Does all of this mean that I’m on the verge of a breakthrough?
I’m just trying to figure my life out without completely losing my mind.
There are too many things that I don’t like but put up with because it feels like I don’t have a choice. Because I feel like I don’t have options…
Anyway, I hope all these negative feelings go away soon. I don’t know whether I’m having them because of hormones, if I’m just sad or a combination of both…