There IS Such Thing As Being Happily Single

Being alone will always be better than being with the wrong person or someone who doesn’t love or appreciate you.

So many people have tried to tell me how I feel about being single; they’ve said things to me like ” you can’t be single and happy; there’s no such thing”; “stop lying to yourself you’re not happy being single” or ” you guys broke up so long ago why haven’t you moved on?”.

Even so-called friends have said something to that effect to me.

I would like to address the last question/statement first. Moving on doesn’t mean moving on to someone new. For me, it means letting go of the person, finding peace within and healing from my heartbreak and believe me – I have done that!

I don’t feel a need to “replace” them just for the sake of having someone; I am actually happy right now. There’s more time to really rediscover myself and what I want out of a relationship and not have a relationship define me.

“Singlehood” is not a curse; it’s whatever you make of it. It has given me the opportunity to re-ignite my passion for writing and I have all the time in the world.

There was a relationship where I ended up needing time to breathe because everything I did, I did for and with the other person. They always came first and my wants and needs took the back seat. I was there whenever they needed or even wanted me; I literally stopped whatever I was doing to be with them.

One of the things I learnt is that THAT isn’t always good for me.

I have also been in a relationship where I felt like I wasn’t enough for the person because I wasn’t ready to explore the sexual part of our relationship.

I felt pressured so much and the pressure wasn’t always necessarily coming from them. Sometimes I’d pressure myself into being what they wanted even though I knew it wouldn’t be good for me but I somehow convinced myself it would all be worth it.

For a long time after it ended, I was sad but the moment I gave myself a chance to reflect and actually enjoy being single; I came to find I was actually happier than I’d been during the entire relationship.

It was like all the pressure had finally been released and I could breathe. Imagine being with someone and realising when it’s over that you were “holding your breath”.

Sometimes you don’t realise just how much of your time is dedicated to your significant other when you’re in a relationship. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t do so but I was over-doing it. Now that I am single I have all the time in the world to enjoy activities that I like.

Maybe I was dating the wrong people but I love chilling at home and when I was in a relationship I hardly ever did that. I was always out somewhere surrounded by people constantly. In fact, we hardly ever even had alone time.

I also enjoy my sleep; I had an ex who got mad when I didn’t answer late-night calls. Late-night calls are not my thing. I want to sleep; I want my “me-time” to disconnect from the world and be alone with my thoughts for a bit.

Being single has taught me the importance of putting my thoughts and feelings first, I’m not meaning being selfish. I mean that it’s okay for me not to want to do certain things sometimes and that the person I’m with should understand that. 

Now I know exactly what I want in a relationship and I will feel ready and confident next time I am in one.

I feel like being single has also taught me how to be a better lover (I now know how to acknowledge my own thoughts and feelings). I’ll be able to communicate them to someone else better without fear of judgement or rejection.

You can learn something from everything and every phase in your life if you allow yourself to and being single is just one of those phases.

I am not saying I’ll be an expert lover after this, I just think I’ll be more appreciative and understanding of my significant other because I am more sure of myself.

Nothing’s worse than lacking self-confidence and having your mind go to the worst of places when someone doesn’t answer your call or text you all day.  

I believe that it is unhealthy to completely tie your happiness to another being. You need to learn how to be happy even when you’re on your own.

I’ve learnt that I don’t need a man to be happy in life. Whoever I choose to date should add to my happiness, not be the centre of my universe.

Everything I need to be happy and successful is already within me.

Far too many people get into relationships for the sake of it and I refuse to be one of them!

You should be with someone because you want to not because I am afraid of being alone.

As much as people may ridicule and laugh at me for being single for so long; I am doing me for me and I am okay with that. I am the one who will have to live with the consequences of dating someone I know isn’t right for me. I’d rather not.

Someone once said to me that many people are not out there looking for love; they are looking for help and there’s an element of truth to that statement. You should be careful who you give your heart to because hurt people tend to hurt other people.

I am single and I am happy!

My happiness doesn’t come from someone else or whatever external force. It comes from me. I have decided to be happy and enjoy this phase of my life.

I enjoy my life and it’s filled with awesome people. Sure, I want to be in a relationship but it’ll happen when the time is right. That doesn’t mean that I can’t be happy now…

My mom has always told me you don’t go looking for love, it finds you. When you go looking and forcing things that’s when you’ll find trouble.

Just open up your heart and let things be. Work on yourself and your goals. Work on becoming the kind of woman you want to be and the rest will follow.

Great love is worth the wait!

Do you believe that one can be single and happy? What has being single been like for you?

Let me leave you with this quote: ” Being single is about celebrating and appreciating your own space that you’re in.”

A true-crime-obsessed 30-something-year-old, quirky lifestyle blogger from the coastal city of East London, South Africa who's interests include reading, writing and fitness. Find me on Twitter @WeirdnLiberated.
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15 thoughts on “There IS Such Thing As Being Happily Single

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