Life In My 30s

Hello and welcome back to the blog.

Life has been pretty interesting lately. There is a lot of growth and self-discovery but also lots of frustration and lesson learning.

Being in your 30’s brings challenges of its own. Personally, I’ve been feeling lonely lately and I’ll tell you where it’s been stemming from.

At this age, topics of conversation start gearing towards family and when one is starting one of their own. I’m single and have been for years now. I’m not sure where people are expecting this baby to come from.

At times I feel lonely because my peers are all coupled up and I’m not. It only starts to suck when I realise I’m constantly the third wheel. This is why I often opt to hang out alone and do my own things. I’m fine by myself, honestly. But when people are constantly like, “You’re STILL single” in social situations, it tends to get really annoying. Why are we talking about me right now?

Honestly, there are days when I feel extremely lonely and like there’s something wrong with me. I’m the only one in my friend group that struggles this much with romantic relationships and connections. They just don’t work. I’ve been single for close to a decade now and I’m starting to worry a little bit.

I know I have some stuff to work on when it comes to relationships. I have trouble opening up to people because of mistakes I’ve made in the past. It’s something that I’m working on constantly.

Sometimes it’s not a nice feeling when you see you’re getting older and dreams you thought you’d have accomplished haven’t come to fruition. I’ve had to start over and reevaluate countless times. Things just aren’t going the way I had hoped but it’s okay.

Not that I have fertility issues, my gynaecologist says I’m perfectly healthy, but I do wonder if I’ll ever have kids. Sometimes I worry if I’ll meet someone while I’m still fertile. Will I be able to afford fertility treatments if I need them? I know women are having kids later in life now but one just never knows. Maybe if I hadn’t had a uterine cancer scare in my early twenties I’d be less worried…

Life is a journey and it’s not linear. We all peak at different times. By 32, some people are married with kids and thriving in their careers and for those of us who don’t have any of those things yet – it’s okay. Just because things don’t happen for you in the time you want, it doesn’t mean you’re off track. Our journeys are all different. I keep reminding myself this.

What’s helped me get through a lot of the doubt and disappointment lately is my faith and knowing that God has a plan for me. It may not look or feel like I’m going anywhere sometimes no matter how much effort I put in but I can rest in the fact that I know that God has a plan for my life.

Things will happen when they are supposed to happen and no matter what, I cannot give up.

I thought that by now I’d be a graduate who’s happily married with a great career and kids. It hasn’t been easy watching others achieve all of that while I’m still out here struggling.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy for them and I’m there for them to celebrate the good times and lend support when it’s needed but I have cried myself to sleep at night wondering when I get to have all that.

Been trying to find a new job because the one I have is only making my life more challenging. I’m not earning enough to sustain myself and sometimes it gets frustrating; especially the still living at home part. Many of my peers are in similar positions. What happened when it was our turn to be adults?

Truth is, we all have our challenges in life and like J. Cole said, “There’s no such thing as a life that’s better than yours” (don’t judge me for quoting J. Cole right now). It’s easy for us to judge situations from the outside and think other people are more special than us or more highly favoured because of what their lives look like to us but that is simply just not true.

Everyone is going through something.

I never thought that at this age I’d still be struggling financially and still pursuing an education. But I’m learning to embrace my journey because it’s mine and no one else’s. This is my story and my life and only I get to live it and walk in my shoes. I went back to church because I just wasn’t having a good time and something deep side me felt wrong and all of the things that I felt that I was lacking weren’t helping either.

There’s so much change that’s happened since my mid 20’s. My body isn’t as flexible as it used to be and I’ve started to put on weight. Granted, these are things that one can control with exercise and a good diet but when I was younger I never had to think about it. I just ate whatever, whenever and there was little to no evidence of it left on my body. Now, my metabolism needs work lol.

I’ve been listening to some motivational podcasts created by my age mates and trying to learn from them how they managed to navigate through all of their challenges and create lives they’re thrilled with.

I reckon that as long as one doesn’t throw in the towel, there’s still time to change your life.

How have you been coping with life in your 30s? Is any of this resonating with you?

A true-crime-obsessed, quirky lifestyle blogger from the coastal city of East London, South Africa whose interests include reading, writing and fitness. Find me on Twitter @WeirdnLiberated.
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3 thoughts on “Life In My 30s

  1. I often found throughout my 30s there was a lot of external pressure about what life “should” look like, and after a while it can leave you feeling quite lonely or estranged from yourself. I think finding what made me feel content was essential and it helped me figure out what I wanted, and what would work for me, and deal with the things that I realised would never come (I am married, but children never happened for us). When you hit 30 it sometimes feels like time is running out, but it really isn’t, it’s just that there may be a period of reflection, readjustment and change—which may be difficult, but growth and new things come along too.

  2. To answer your question, this resonates with me a lot! I am a single older woman with very little experience in the dating department, and I’m at the point where I’m wondering if I’ll just stay single. It’s definitely hard sometimes watching others I’m close to get married and have families. Like you said, you try to be happy for them, but you can’t help but wonder when it will be your turn. Maybe getting married and becoming a mother is just not meant for me. I’m starting to become ok with that. I’m also working on a career. I’m not financially stable yet, which is definitely frustrating. At the age I’m at, I thought I would have had a good career and be making decevnow, but God only knows why that hasn’t happened for me yet. I’m struggling for sure, however like you said, there is as reason for everything. My time for a good career will come. Right now God is just telling me to wait. Thankyou for this very beautiful and honest post.

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