We love getting down and dirty between the sheets and sex is an important part of an intimate romantic relationship BUT today let’s talk about this despicable act known as stealthing…
What is stealthing you ask?
Stealthing is that despicable thing that some people do whereby they take the condom off without your knowledge or consent during sexual intercourse. A gross violation! It’s actually a form of sexual assault, it’s just that nobody has actually been to jail for it.
This happened to me once when I was in varsity. I was in a relationship with someone I THOUGHT I could trust. Clearly, I was mistaken!
After speaking to my psychologist and finally really opening up about it after all these years, I now see it as a form of rape. I felt violated when it happened but the word rape never came to mind. Now, I have had trust issues when it comes to sex!
I had never had raw sex before (and this happened without my knowledge), so I didn’t know what it felt like. I remember him saying,” Remember that night when you said the sex was good and it felt different? Well, that was because I took the condom off.”
Honestly, at the time when it was happening, I honestly didn’t know. Maybe I remember him fidgeting down there that day but I would have thought maybe he was fixing it… I don’t know.
Sure it felt different… better… but it never occurred to me that THAT was why.
Mind you I was notified of this WEEKS later; so no morning-after pill, nothing!
He totally betrayed my trust!
I wonder what the hell goes on in someone’s head. What makes them think doing such a thing would be okay? How do you start sex with a condom on them make the sole decision to just take it off?! It’s beyond selfish! I mean… it’s my body? How could you do that?!
I never EVER imagined something like this would ever happen to me, it was unheard of! Apparently, it’s more common than you think and it’s a thing that some guys do and they see absolutely nothing wrong with it!
“Thirty-two percent of women and 19% of MSM reported having ever experienced stealthing”
I was very young and in university when I went through this experience and as a result, I have major trust issues. It wasn’t long after my 21st birthday.
Even today, I still have a little trouble being intimate with people and I’m consciously aware during sex almost all the time. I fear that if I let my guard down too much, it will happen again even though I take birth control.
I don’t have a positive view of men even though I try to be objective, I don’t trust anyone THAT much anymore. I’m always a little apprehensive with new partners because of what happened.
When you’re in a relationship with someone you’re supposed to be able to let your guard down. You should be able to trust that they will do what’s best for you. Sadly that just isn’t always reality…
Your girl knows better now!
I know to take extra precautions like birth control (and I bring my own condoms). I wasn’t on anything back then because I thought condoms were enough. My mom had always preached about how I was too young to be putting things into my body, that I didn’t need birth control. I know better now…
I used to be very blind when it came to some things. I’m sure there are others out there that have been through a similar experience with someone they loved and trusted.
After it happened to me, my body didn’t feel like it was mine anymore. Someone doing that to me without considering my thoughts or feelings made me feel like I wasn’t seen or valued.
Stealthing is a disgusting and selfish act. I hope men out there read this post. Please respect whoever you are having sex with!
Sex is supposed to be safe and fun.
Have you ever been stealthed before or done it to someone else? Why did you do it? Let me know in the comments.
Let’s start a discussion!