Cape Town Journal: Entry #23

September 18th, 2021

I had such a good day today, busy but good!

The weather was beautiful, beach weather in fact but no, I didn’t go to the beach.

Did some spring cleaning this morning and we had 2 viewings of the apartment. Even took pictures to sell my bed. It’s really sinking in now… I’m really going back home and I’m not happy about that.

Hit up Mr Price home to go and look at some curtains then went out for some gelato ( a first for me) at Moro Gelato and it was simply delicious, hmmm…

I find trying new things quite exciting and I’m delighted to have tried a few new things since I’ve been here.

Thought I was going to go for a walk today but I was exhausted but I forced myself to complete today’s Chloe Ting workout so that I don’t fall behind with the program because my workout partner completed it while we were busy showing the apartment.

My room feels so much bigger now that there are no cupboards in it (they’ve been sold). It’s amazing what furniture does to a space. The room feels airier and lighter now…

I have so much shit. I really thought I was moving here for good and now I’m going to have to find a way to take all my shit back with me in addition to a few things I’ve acquired from my sister and some books from her former roommate (who is such a lovely person by the way).

Still trying to figure out where my life is headed because I feel extremely frustrated at the moment. Sure, I had a good day but the reality of the situation is that because I haven’t secured a job, I will go back to a situation I don’t want to be in.

When you don’t have money, there’s so much that you have to accept and just deal with because there is no other option.

Had a conversation with a friend today that left me almost in tears. I called them up because I just wanted a friend to talk to. Then I found myself suddenly feeling so lonely.

Their intentions were good, I know, but that conversation left me feeling terrible. Terrible about myself and about the way that my life has turned out.

Wasn’t calling for sympathy or anything. I just wanted a distraction from my own thoughts for a bit.

I mean, I know I’ve made a few mistakes and bad decisions; which is why things are the way they are. I find myself facing the possibility of having to go back to a life I don’t want.

I’m basically a two-time dropout, except this time my qualification was discontinued… I don’t feel good about that but I am trying.

Sometimes it feels like nothing I do in life is ever good enough. I’m constantly almost there but I don’t quite get there.

Being 30, broke and unemployed is rough!

It feels like I try so hard but keep coming up short and it’s exhausting…

I can’t believe I have to leave in less than two weeks!

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