I am in my late twenties, single and I’ve never been married. I don’t need no man to feel complete!
My last serious relationship was when I was about 22 and I haven’t had much luck since then. Sure, I’ve fallen in love but it has yet to work out. As a result, I know how to be alone and I’m okay with it.
The last relationship I had didn’t work out. I think it was largely due to the fact that I wasn’t ready.
For a long time, I didn’t love myself because I measured my worth by how someone else loved me. How they treated me. How they saw me. I’m glad to say I’m stronger, wiser and more emotionally mature and this is no longer the case.
I am continuously learning how to love myself better.
There are women who have been with their first loves since they were in high school and are now in late adulthood, are single for the first time in their lives and don’t have a clue who they are or how to function without their significant other because their whole sense of being was tied to this other person for so long.
There are also women who have been in relationship after relationship and don’t know how to be alone and have zero independence, so just about any man will do and think they have convinced themselves that they do not want or need love. Sis who are you fooling? I think this is so sad.
Don’t get me wrong, I do believe that some loves do last a lifetime but I’m perfectly aware that sometimes things just end. The reason I decided to write about my views on this is that my parents split a few years ago and my mom had become an alcoholic. I find it very heart-breaking that she lost her sense of self and was becoming someone I don’t necessarily want in my life because her behaviour sometimes depicted that of people I would never associate with by choice.
I know that breakups are hard so I can’t even begin to imagine what it’s like when a marriage falls apart. I’m not familiar with what divorcees go through but I have seen and heard of many women who get divorced and end up actually finding themselves as a result. they ned up thriving. They go on to write best-selling novels and become someone other women can look up to. I’m not saying that this is what we all have to do after difficulty, I just think that you should get your shit together sooner rather than later. Don’t dwell on things that don’t work out and go and get some help if that’s what you need. Work on becoming the strong, independent woman that you are inside.
Don’t lose yourself in the name of love!
Focus on bettering yourself, building your career and climbing that corporate ladder. Chase your dreams! Get that degree and make your own dreams come true. Don’t wait for someone to do it for you!
Young ladies, your hormones may be raging but if you’re gonna give it up, it’s better to wait for someone you actually love. I know some people don’t think that your first time should be special. But it should at least be with someone that loves you.
A lot of young women have also fallen into this “blesser” trend.
For those of you who don’t know what a “blesser” is the modern-day term for “sugar daddy” here in South Africa.
Instead of working hard on themselves and becoming the strong successful women they are capable of being, they’d rather date older men just for the perks their money brings.
Don’t get me wrong, I am not against people dating older guys or whatever, it’s more the intention I’m worried about.
I have heard stories of grown men dating high school kids and leaving their wives at home to fight with the girl once they find out that they have a boyfriend in their age group. What in the hell?
Stop giving your bodies to men you really don’t want to give them to!
Even high school girls prefer these older ( even married) men because they give them money and things boys their age can’t provide. It’s scary!
I understand that we all want nice things but the way that we go about getting them matters. If we acquire things in ways that taint our souls then they simply aren’t worth it.
When I was a teenager I stayed far away from old men and I mean FAR away. But I guess some people’s circumstances are what drive them towards those situations.
I know a lot of people are struggling and see this as a means to get to where they need to be in life but dayum!
Another thing of concern that inspired this post is the alarming rate of teenage pregnancy. Actually, many young girls younger than 13 are getting pregnant and the numbers just seem to be rising.
I really wish young women would start to value abstinence again and wait until they are older to engage in sexual activity; especially since they don’t seem responsible enough to take precautions.
Why are these girls not scared?
I came across a video that was trending of teenagers having sex in class while the teacher was giving a lesson as if it was totally normal!!!
Ladies… where is self-respect? Where is self-love?
As young women, we need to be strong and educate ourselves so that we may live the lives we have dreamt about since we were kids. It’s possible! Many before us have achieved great success and so can we.
We also need to learn to love, support and encourage each other.
The last thing you want is to wake up in your 50’s and wonder what the hell you’ve been doing with your life. Everything we need to become all that we can be is already within us; we just need to figure out how to bring it out. Figure out how to tap into your inner strength and harness it into something spectacular.
The successful women that you look up to on TV aren’t any more special than you are. They are people just like you. They try things and fail, they’ve just learned how to rise above whatever situation they were in and succeed.
If they can chase their dreams and succeed then so can we!
Hey, I’m not saying that I have it all and that I’m where I want to be in life right now. But I have learnt to get up and fight for what I want, regardless of what the world and the people in my life think of me. I have learned to love myself in spite of all my failures and flaws.
It took a river of tears and anger for me to get to where I am today. I used to feel useless and part of my journey of self-discovery and self-love is this blog you’re reading. It has given me a sense of purpose. It has allowed me to learn and discover things about myself.
I know my life looks like a mess from the outside. But on the inside, I feel confident, capable and most importantly I love myself. No one can take that away from me.
It took me a while to learn how to love and accept myself for the woman I am and believe that I’m good enough. I am worthy of being loved in a healthy and joyful way and so are you!
I hope I am never one of those women who lose themselves because of a man. And sometimes it hurts because you felt like you’d met “the one” but we can do better than that.
Stop crawling back to people who don’t value and appreciate you!
Independence gives you a sense of power. Power to control your own life, make your own decisions and uplift those around you.
Why do we want people who don’t value us? Why can’t we love ourselves the way we so badly want to be loved?
It’s important for us to realize our value as women and treat ourselves and each other like the queens that we are.
May we be strong, independent women and may we raise them.
Strong, independent women are the pillars of our communities and empower other women!
“Wathint’ abafazi, whathint’ imbokodo” meaning you strike the woman, you strike the rock!
If you’re looking for a post about self-love then click here.