9 Things I Learnt From My Failed Relationships

While scrolling through Facebook, I came across a blog post on the Black Women Who Blog group, written by The Real Black Carrie Bradshaw. She was promoting her post titled “25 Things I’ve Learned From My Failed Relationships” and after reading it, I decided to curl up by the fireplace with some snacks and a warm blanket, and write one of my own.

If you’ve been following my blog I’m sure you’ve read a post or two about my failed relationships so today I’m going to talk about what those experiences have taught me about myself and life.

My friends called me a “late bloomer” because I started dating way later than I did and I had no fucken idea what I was doing. I made quite a few mistakes but the good thing is that I have learnt my fair share of lessons along the way.

I mean, from every failure there’s a lesson, right?


1. Forgive & Forget – Don’t Dwell on The Past

When people hurt you, you should always try to take the high road. Just forgive them and leave it in the past.

Carrying around all that hurt and anger only hurts you more.
Forgive them, forget them and let all the negativity go.

2. Good Things Take Time

It’s important not to rush things and okay to want to take them slowly. I dated a guy who didn’t understand the point of waiting so I gave in and gave him what he wanted. It did not feel good for me and all but I did it to make him happy.

That relationship didn’t last lol and I regretted giving in.

There’s really no need to rush things, just let them unfold naturally and wait for them to happen when they feel right for both parties.

3. Not To Lose Myself

I’ve been in a relationship where everything was all about my boyfriend, I spent every free second I had with them until one day I had realised I wasn’t sure who I was without them anymore.

I had stopped doing some of the things I loved because I never made time for them because I was so wrapped up in my relationship and making my then-boyfriend happy.

Only after the relationship ended did I get back to rediscovering myself and concentrating on my personal growth.

You should still be you even in a relationship!

4. To Communicate My Feelings Better (Communication is Key)

There are countless times when I was younger where I failed to communicate my feelings for fear of disappointing a boyfriend which, looking back, is absurd. I let so many things slide to avoid conflict (incredibly unhealthy by the way).

It’s vital to talk to your partner and learn how to communicate in a healthy way. I think it’s also important to try to create a bond between the two of you where no one feels scared to communicate their feelings for fear of hurting or disappointing the other.

5. Always Be Honest With Yourself

The person who got hurt the most was always me because I wasn’t able to be honest with myself about how I really felt about things and people.

When you’re not honest it can lead to unnecessary conflict and resentment towards your partner for things that aren’t even their fault.

Never again will I run from my own feelings.

6. Pain Helps You To Grow

(If you allow it to)We learn from our mistakes if we acknowledge and learn from them and learning leads to growth. Sometimes the mistakes and lessons we learn in relationships translate to pain and heartbreak but it’s good to take the L and move on.

It may hurt for a while but the pain won’t last forever.

What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger!

7. To Follow My Intuition

I have spent so much time ignoring that gut feeling lawd knows why and in retrospect all the times I had that sinking feeling that something wasn’t right, it was because something really wasn’t right.

I brushed the feeling off and regarded it as paranoia but that wasn’t what it was. That was something inside me trying to tell me something.

8. To Love Myself First

This is the most important lesson!

You need to love yourself so that you don’t expect or need someone else to give you love to make you feel whole. You are already a complete person the way that you are, a romantic partner should not be something to make you feel whole because when that person that you’ve given so much partner leaves, it can make you feel empty, extremely lonely and personally, at some stage I felt unlovable.

It took me a while to learn to truly love myself first.

When you love yourself you put up with a lot less bullshit and aren’t afraid to cut off people who don’t treat you right, friends included.

9. Just Love Your Partner & Don’t Hold Back

In the past, I have carried fear and mistrust from previous relationships into the nest one and as a result, I held back so much. I never fully loved my partner because I didn’t allow myself to get there to prevent getting hurt but obviously that backfired.

I robbed them of the love they deserved because I was terrified that I wouldn’t be able to handle another heartbreak.

Relationships that don’t work out are meant to teach us some important lessons that help us to grow as people and possibly prepare us for future relationships.

What are some of the lessons you’ve learnt from your past failed relationships? Let me know what you thought of this post and share your lessons in the comments.

A true-crime-obsessed, quirky lifestyle blogger from the coastal city of East London, South Africa whose interests include reading, writing and fitness. Find me on Twitter @WeirdnLiberated.
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